A friend recently asked me what is was like living with MS for a project she did on the disease. Here was my answer:
Since I have no symptoms I find it hard to be included with others who truly suffer from MS daily. I have the relapse-remitting type of MS and so, by it’s definition, I sometimes have symptoms and other times I have none. I have only had three episodes that I can specifically say were MS stuff. The hardest part about living with MS-I wonder every time a small part of my body tingles if it’s MS, is another “episode” on it’s way, what is happening up there (in my brain)?! I can’t imagine what cancer patient goes through when they are in remission. Every little strange and small thing your body does you wonder if it’s something bigger and much worse than just nothing. I feel like MS has colored every part of my world a little darker. I might not have symptoms but it’s always there, in my mind (literally and figuratively). I try to deny it, I tell others I have been “diagnosed” with MS. I don’t claim it. I don’t want it. I feel denial, anger and depression. I am trying to find ways to focus on the positive aspects of MS-better awareness of my body, slowing down, eating healthier. I want to look at my disease as a challenge, not a handicap. It’s a part of me, not ALL of me.