Don’t be fooled by their angelic, sweet bods.
They also have crazies inside. My contribution to their lovely selves.
The other day we ventured to the Children’s Museum. Oh my.
Originally we were going with some new friends-two boys! Alas, cancellation due to GI issues. We were still determined to go and kept to the 930/1000 original meeting time.
We arrived at the destination at 9:40. Closed. Doesn’t open until 10. I didn’t bring the boys jackets, plan was to be inside. It was windy and 60s in the great outdoors so, no jumping around in the fall leaves. Not enough time to go back home, no groceries to pick up (and too warm to store them in the trunk), no where else to go… but wait! Deals! Balloons for the boys to play with later! I am the best mom ever.
Into Deals. Two tantrums on the floor later we are back in the car with the balloons which I attached to my car keys to keep them from lifting away. I then have to untie the ribbon while keeping them, the balloons and the boys, inside the vehicle. Oh look. A truck is parking right beside my opened wide door. Great.
Take 2 on the Children’s Museum. We have arrived! A great parking space with one side on the edge of the parking lot. At least I can get one kid in and out at a pace a bit less then a blur. Denied! Handicap parking. Of course. I reverse into a spot-balloons in my rearview- and only have to pull up a bit to straighten myself out. Score for me!
I go around to free the Little N first, placing him in a sling. Then back to the driver’s side to let PorkChop loose. I am working on having him close the door to the car, before he runs into it with his head. He does this and then bolts across the (thankfully small and empty and not busy) parking lot. We catch up and climb the stairs to an old-fashioned porch. We push the squeaky door open and barely fit since there are 4 people in front of us. A man with a little girl and a woman with a little girl. Imagine that. Little docile sweet girls. “Yes we have been here before, lots of times” both sets of parents say to the lady behind the register. We go to pay our $5 and relinquish our coupon for a free entry. PorkChop has tried to leave the little entry area at least twice during this time. While the woman is charging my debit and explaining the ways of the museum, I hang up my purse on the hook, toss my card back into my bag, and adjust Bacon. Rules: if they mouth the toys, please put them in the bags marked for this so the toys can be sanitized. Please clean up an area before you leave to go to the next one. There is an open part on the 2nd floor. He might not be tall enough to climb but that is up to you. My choice? Ha. He will be climbing whatever is available, tall enough or not.
No time to fill out the list to receive emails. The lady wants to give PorkChop a stamp on his hand and he looks suspicious. I hold his hand out, he gets stamped and tries to immediately rub it off. And then run off.
We are let loose. He is drawn to a camera but only because it moves and is at his height. I try to show him the screen behind him but he is already moving on to the next room. A train table is found! Hurray!
Now Bacon is starting to squirm to be released from wrap bondage. I let him down to crawl around and he immediately puts something from the train table in his mouth. I decide that toy is the sacrificial one to be gummed on. Bacon has two hands. One toy is not enough. Another is grabbed and sacrificed. The train track is not completed. OH NO! PorkChop moans. I try to connect the track, hold Bacon back from grabbing yet another soon-to-be-soaked toy and speak calmly to PorkChop about the status of the track. I take too long and PC is off to the next thing. Bacon in hot pursuit. A fake telephone is found at the ‘Post Office’ and is lifted and taken to the ‘Clinic’ where a baby is soon thrown on the floor by PC. Bacon is already there to slobber on the poor plastic wee one’s bottom. Checkup complete! PC is on the stolen phone. He sweetly offers the phone to a dad sitting at the train table. While I am trying to keep more toys from touching Bacon’s tongue, PorkChop is having a moment with the man and a telephone. A smile doesn’t even have time to form on my face and another fun apparatus is discovered. Balls! Tubes! Tunnel! Up PC goes onto the thing and a little girl tries to follow. He kinda slides down the incline and then proceeds to stick bottles down the tubes. Not exactly the intended use of the product. Hey, call my child if you ever need anything tested to find out the products many off-market uses! Unfortunately you will also now need to provide a book of the item’s many needed safety warnings…PC will have found new ways to maim himself. Such gifts he has!
While Bacon is trying to chew on the shoes of a little girl, PorkChop is trying to drop books on them from above. While PorkChop is interested in the fireman hats, Bacon is chewing on the boots. A shoe fetish in the making? I am resorting to wiping off the slobber of Bacon instead of placing things in the ‘mouth bags’ since the whole place would need to be in them after my sweet children have put their wet mark on everything.
This craziness repeats itself more times than I can count.
Finally, I have reached my maximum patience lost level and decide it is time to go. A fit is thrown, PorkChop combat crawls on his belly out of the building screaming the whole time. Bacon is back in the sling and not too happy. All strapped in, a sigh of relief from me, car started and I check the time.
Not even an hour has passed.
I need a drink.