Misc Chaos · Ponder

Nothing

Five minute Friday here we go!

155

Nothing

Nothing could have prepared me for you. The constant need. The warm love. The form to hold and rock and sing to (even though you aren’t a bit fan of singing). The little thighs to chew on and kiss. The feet for the same. Nothing could have prepared me for the all the time need of you. The fits for whatever reasons. The anger that wells up and explodes out of me in frustration for your constant everything. You throw food, tantrums and love. You slobber, spit up and snot. You smile melts me, mends me and makes me feel lighter. You laugh is hoarse like you have been doing it forever. I still picture you floating in the water just after you were born. Eyes open. Looking up at me, arms and legs outstretched. A picture in my mind only. Nothing can capture that feeling. The overwhelming, sometimes suffocating and often intoxicating feeling of maternal love. Nothing could have told me to stop if I had known then what I know now. The pain, the anguish, the anxiety, the anger, the hope the sadness, the disgust at myself, the feeling of failure. I still would have said yes. Yes to you, you, you. Always you. You have emptied me completely. You have given me everything. Nothing deserved. Nothing could have prepared me for you. Nothing.

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