Doubts. My Fear. The Surrender.
I need space.
Space to create.
I feel like I can’t stop moving.
Can’t stop asking the questions, seeking the deep answers, always trying to fix, heal & discover.
I am weary.
I want to simply be in my now.
No more apologizing, hiding, concealing, or feeling shame.
I struggle with explosive feelings & deep desires.
With addictions & soul warfare.
I read the books, do the exercises, set the goals, make the boards.
Strive. Wrestle. Fight. Wrench.
All in hopes to find someone else hidden there.
Someone not like me.
A person who is peaceful, patient & tenacious.
One who does the right thing in the eyes of her loving partner.
The woman who is proud to be a mamma & a wife.
I am ashamed I am none of those things.
So I light a candle. Eyes set to soft & gaze at the blaze.
Tears stream. Sobs shake.
I want to melt into & open up to…